The Question
I smile a lot. What I’ve learned over the years is that a warm smile encourages strangers of all races, ages, shapes, and sizes to talk to you. I don’t mean a simple greeting. My smile has made me privy to the inner workings of people’s lives. They come and share with me about work, relationships, financial stresses, recipes, pets, their dreams, their fears and more. Because I am a fairly good listener, some don’t even realize that they’ve chatted my ear off, unsolicited, for almost an hour.
In return for my time, many then feel it’s appropriate to turn the tables. They begin to ask me questions about myself. How did I come to be such a great person with such empathy and compassion, wisdom beyond my years even? They are intrigued as to my status in life and want to know how I reached this point on my journey. We approach a point where they each want to know one thing about me. The most typical, and most annoying, question from both men and women is, “Why are you single”? That is a question that irks me beyond most others. Here are a few reasons why:
- I don’t have a real answer
I’m a catch. This isn’t just by my own standards. I’ve been told that countless times. My personality is inviting and optimistic. I enjoy life, live to the fullest, have freedom financially and emotionally, know how to cook, love to laugh, and am easy on the eyes. These along with other qualities make me appealing, at least I’ve been told. But that hasn’t been enough to meet single men who are interested in what I am….a relationship leading to marriage. I know that may seem like it’s asking too much from someone you have just met, but give me a moment to explain. I believe that most people know whether or not they want to get married. These same individuals have an idea of what characteristics their future mate will possess. Believing those two ideas, I do not see the value in spending months or years with someone who isn’t interested in traveling the same life journey as I am and I already have that information up front. I’m not talking about shallow things that may change like home ownership, current job, or languages he speaks. I mean his spiritual values, what he dreams about, the type of father he would want to be, what he enjoys to do with his free time…these are the things that will show me more about a man and his capacity for marriage to me than any checklist of tangibles he may currently possess.
So, back to the question, my usual reply states something about him not finding me yet or being on his way. See, another thing these strangers assume from my smile is that I’m willing to share as much about myself as they have with me. I’m far more private than meets the eye. I’ve never been the type to air my inner most thoughts to strangers, unless it’s in the written form. So, those strangers get a polite reply and, of course, a smile.
Tamika Lawson Martin 